Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Communication Breakdown...sux balls!

Whakatauki - Māori Proverb

Whāia te iti kahurangi ki te tūohu koe me he maunga teitei
Seek the treasure you value most dearly: if you bow your head, let it be to a lofty mountain

Change One

This whakatauki is about aiming high or for what is truly valuable, but it's real message is to be persistent and don't let obstacles stop you from reaching your goal.

Let me tell you, I know the biggest obstacle to overcome is me!  My negative thoughts, complacency, procrastination, fear of failure even my emotions - I am constantly fighting myself everyday. For example; my alarm goes off at 5:55am - set early so I have time to get up and go for a walk before Ryan leaves for work at 7:00am, anyway, it's got to the point where my alarm goes off and I'm like nahhh too tired, can't be fucked...so I sleep in. Then throughout the day I am cursing myself for not going for a walk - come tea time, I blow out my diet by eating a big fatty unhealthy plateful gahhhh!....Feeling defeated and useless at this stage, I crave for something sweet to eat, this is pretty much a daily cycle. Sometimes I go for a walk in the early morning, then something will happen, giving me an excuse to stop, until I realise I am overweight, out of shape, feeling ugly and unsexy, momentarily motivating me to start again.

...So last week, I started Change One - I changed what I eat for breakfast and portion size. It was a half-arsed attempt because I couldn't be fucked exercising (going for a walk), but, I am still motivated to keep at it.  This week I change what I eat for lunch and maintain my new breakfast. I haven't gone for a walk yet, I plan to set my alarm for tomorrow morning. I am still craving foods especially sweet things, so I've decided to keep a detailed diary of the daily goings-on, even my cravings and thoughts, bar the x-rated ones lol. Oh yes, I also need to get a battery for my bathroom scales.  I'm a bit apprehensive to get the measuring tape out - may have the courage to do that next week.  This means there will be additional digits to the ones I threw down last week.

BCH's Happy Place

Ahhh my happy place, this is what I do to calm the farm lol - paint my nails.  I do it twice a week, love the different colours and patterns - it's a bit rough but the more I do it the better I get  :)

Gold flowers on black.

Communication Breakdown

Have you ever been on the unreceiving end of a communication breakdown aka a person who has chosen to cut off all communication, as in - cut you out of their life?....Ooh ooh me, woefully holding my hand up :(  
If  you are capable of pulling a hurtful stunt like that, I have empathy for you - maybe you don't know what unconditional love is?...have you shut that out of your life as well?...maybe you are young, selfish, materialistic, superficial - surely you have a heart?  Can you look at what upset you and talk about it - to get past it.  

Daughter, I still don't know what I did to upset you so much that you wont talk to me?  Help me understand, what do I need to do?  I miss you.  Love you always your mum xox

Ka kite ano
BCH :)

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